I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
