I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
