Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize