her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
