There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
