I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ttyl tear gas
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
