y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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