it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize