On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
