My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
