my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Duck Duck Cougar?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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