"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
