i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
