All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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