there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
