We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
