did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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