I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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