Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
