Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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