We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
love makes seman taste better
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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