apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
