I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
