I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
