hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
