So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
