The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize