No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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