I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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