i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
