you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize