Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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