The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Are we still banned from the library?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
