wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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