The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
