you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
