am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
