I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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