Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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