The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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