Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
