I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
