..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
