My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
