Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
