I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
