textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
