No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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