The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
