Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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