Pants 0. Shit 1.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
