i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
