My Higher Power is John Stamos
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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