Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
