No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
