I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So vagazzling was a success
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
