i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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