so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
