I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize