11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
