you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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