So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
