Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
