I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
