I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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