is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
